For Money

Week 2 of the Daily Om writing course involves work.

For money, I am an insurance follow up representative in the billing department of a very large, world-renowned hospital system. That should make me proud. In actuality, it does not. To be perfectly frank, I have never worked in such a … well … toxic environment, and that really says something.

See, I started this job after the pandemic introduced itself to the world, so I’ve been working from home since day one. I’ve never experienced their “in office” environment, but if it’s anything like the “at home” environment… let’s just say I’m going to have to actively pursue other avenues.

Most of my adult life was spent in the medical billing field. I gained all of my experience from a good company that cared both about their patients and about the people who run their processes and make things happen… you know, the workers. Every day I worked there, I felt valued, appreciated, and like what I had to say mattered. Where I’m at now? I have none of these things. In fact, it’s not a matter of simply not having them. Personally, I’d call it less than zero. In my world, that is a possibility.

Life tends to sling shit around, so, for the sake of practicality and for the sake of my sanity, I had to leave the job. I walked away from a great paycheck, excellent benefits, people I loved being around, and feeling cared about. Sure, I was a cog in the machine, but I was well-oiled and tended to. Any accumulated grease and grime were of my own doing, and they had a lot more to do with me and my own personal issues than they had to do with what I did to make money.

When I left that job, I took some time off to see if I could figure out what I truly wanted to do. I ended up working technical support for a huge company. I spent exactly one year of my life walking retail workers through the process of restarting their cash registers. For a lot of reasons, it simply wasn’t my thing. See… in the medical field, sure I was billing outrageous sums to people who may or may not be able to pay, but in the daily battle with insurance companies and with the “powers that be,” I, more often than not, was left feeling like I was genuinely able to help others, so I decided to go back to that.

Currently, I’m left wondering if that was the grandest idea I’ve ever had. Not because the specifics of the job don’t resonate with me, but because of where I am.

People and their attitudes about other people and life, in general, matter. You’re never going to have a good and easy time in life when you encourage adversarial relationships with people and entities who can make your lives easier or more difficult depending on your approach.

There are a lot of avenues to this “work” topic I’d like to explore, so there will probably be several posts for it. For now, I’m tired of writing and am struggling for words. This is the last day of my long weekend, and I don’t want to spend it bemoaning what I’ve lost and dreading what I get to go back to tomorrow.

Have a great Sunday!

Season of the Witch

This morning, I attended my first crone circle gathering. It was the most positive, uplifting thing I’ve experienced in a very, very long time. I can’t wait to go back.

The Crone is a symbol of inherent wisdom that comes from experience. She has lived through love, sorrow, hope, and fear, coming out of it all a wise and confident spirit. Through these experiences she has learned the secrets of life and death and of the mysteries beyond this world.

I’ve been looking forward to cronehood for a very long time. As I understand it, a lot of people fear this stage of life because it’s that proverbial “one step closer to death” thing. For me, this stage of life is about wisdom. As indicated above, the wisdom that comes from experience or the act of living.

In the past, crones were highly respected for their wisdom and knowledge. They had a prominent place in their families and communities. These days, they are hidden away with their infirmities and their wrinkles. How sad is it that all of this wisdom and all of those stories are going unheard?

As for me? I am thankful that I have lived long enough to see this stage of life. I am thankful that I am the kind of person who does learn, grow, and evolve in a way that builds the wisdom that comes from experience and living. So many do not. They either learn nothing, remain stagnant in their negative feelings, or become hardened and bitter with life. To me, that’s just sad.

I’ve been in such a rut here lately, but I know, and I have always known that I will get out of this pit. This too, shall pass. There are valuable lessons here, and I will make them mine. I will transmute them into the wisdom of the ages, and I will share all that I have with the younger generations. This, in my humble opinion, is what keeps mankind moving forward.

Ancient Crone,
You are the source of eternal knowledge
That leads to the completion of the spirit.
Let my soul seek your lessons,
And strive to understand your mysteries.
I will not fear the darkness
For I know you wait for me within it.

Ancient Crone,
Cleansing waters of wisdom,
I embrace you within myself,
And dance with you ‘round the well.
Let me be a seeker of knowledge,
And courageous in the face of darkness.
My heart sings your melody
And my spirit is forever whole.

Verses from part of the book of tridea by ps. grian debandia of circle of the green

Here is to the knowing.
Here is to the growing.
Here is to the vision.
Here is to the calling.

Best wishes!